Captivity

Captivity
Starrnig Elisha Cuthbert & Daniel Gillies

"Captivity" is one of those movies that, when you exit the theatre and begin to make your way to your car, you jump, with an extended arm pointing to the night sky, and scream: "THAT WAS THE BEST MOVIE EVER!"

Jennifer, a wannabe Paris Hilton model, played extraordinarily by Elisha Cuthbert, one of the most talented actresses in Hollywood, carries her little doggy wherever she goes, poses deliciously for various modeling jobs, and has her face on every billboard in America. She's famous and can't get enough of it. Her dog even ventures to the club with her! But at the club, he doggy's owner goes missing. Kidnapped and kept captive in an underground room, Jennifer is forced to mingle with death - and death is a hooded man who makes people die.

Not only is the plot incredibly original and free from all forms of copycat scenes, but the horror is truly spine-chilling. The whole audience screamed in pure fear when the masked kidnapper/murderer ties Cuthbert's character up to a dentist chair, puts a few body parts into a smoothie blender, adds a cup or two of crimson blood, and grinds it to a refreshing gulp of sick, twisted barbarity. Jennifer must drink this bloodshake, which is the most harrowing scene known to the American silver screen.

With unpredictable plot twists that grind your insides to a pulp and a tremendous build-up to a possible heart-attack climax, "Captivity" never lets you go and always makes you want more. And more. If you're into horror flicks, this is surely the movie for you. Oh, and to all those who are into romances, "Captivity" has a wonderfully loving scene in which Jennifer discovers that there is another person held captive. There is a painting of Jennifer in her room above her bed, but she did not know that on the other side of the glass is Daniel Gillies as Gary. Gary scrapes away paint on his side of a window and asks the model, "Who are you?" This is totally believable considering that the paint is on both sides of the glass and that when he scratches from his side, it appears on hers. Amazing. Truly amazing.

Cuthbert's performance is one for the century and is surely the top contender for an Oscar, and the film is not only the scariest and most terrifying movie experience I have ever had in a cinema, but is also probably the best movie I have ever seen in my entire life.

Grade: A+

NOTE: This review was written on opposite day. Everything above is the opposite of what is truly meant. The following is the real review of the film.

Captivity

Starring Elisha Cuthbert and Daniel Gillies

"CAPTIVITY" IS THE WORST MOVIE EVER! WORSE THAN "CATWOMAN" - NO JOKE.

Grade: F