An Audience Member's Suggestions for Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark

This past Saturday, I went to see the much-criticized Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark at the Foxwoods Theatre in New York City. Before I talk about the performance, let's get some things clear: "Spider-Man" is in previews, which means it hasn't opened yet, however a preview performance has an audience; also, the show not only has a world-record for most expensive Broadway show ($65 milion - previous record-holder was Shrek: The Musical with a mere $25 million) but it will also be the show with the most preview performances once it opens on March 15th. Preview performances are so a show can ready itself for the critics. Some shows hardly need any time, such as a revival that really doesn't have any script changes; some shows, particularly original musicals or plays, need more previews to ensure the show and its people are at its best for opening night - the night the critics arrive and review.

Many critics, while disgruntled from the multiple extensions to Spider-Man's opening night, are holding off on a review, while others have gone right ahead and told what they think about a premature show. I - being an amateur blogging critic (does anyone even read this?) - was going to review the show, however, after seeing the high-flying spectacle, will do something a little different - I'd like to suggest.

I will try to refrain from suggestions that appear close to critiques, but that may be difficult. Anyways, here they are:

(1) Arachne is an incredible creation/inspiration for the show. She adds dimension and history to the legend of Spider-Man. However, too much Arachne eliminates some crucial Spidey story, particularly the relationship with Uncle Ben and Peter Parker. Ben's death came with indifference, where it should come with sympathy and loss.

(2) Dialogue tweaking is hugely necessary. Often, predictable lines come off (obviously) cliched, even under the control of incredible actors (I saw Matthew James Thomas of the film Billy Elliot as Peter ; Jennifer Damiano, my personal favorite of the Spidey-cast, Tony-nominee of Next to Normal as Mary Jane; and T.V. Carpio of the film Across the Universe as Arachne). Cringe-worthy, yet completely fixable in six weeks.

(3) Clarity. There were moments where actions had no cause, where songs had no segue. The art of the musical is great - I'm not talking as some meat-headed high school jock who doesn't get what a painting means - I'm talking about real blurriness. True confusion. For example, the army scene with Dr. Osbourne... I still haven't a clue what it was about or why it happened.

(4) The truth is, the show is an incredible feat and I can't wait to see it after it opens. Yet, while it achieves so much in spectacle - and I mean probably more than any Broadway show EVER - it lacks in dialgoue, character, and plot. Aristotle said drama - good drama - needs all six elements: Plot, Character, Dialogue, Theme, Spectacle, and Music. Julie, Bono, The Edge and the rest of the cast and crew have blasted through the roof in three of the six (Theme, Spectacle, Music), but the first three (I daresay, the most important) need to make the goosebumps crawl like they do when Spider-Man and Green Goblin fight through mid-air, or when Peter and Mary Jane sing simultaneously against the backdrops of their houses, or when Arachne weaves her web in the show's prologue, or when Peter Parker - clothed in a Spidey jacket - swings in a finale full of realization. I want to feel for the characters more, I want to hear spine-chilling words in those emotional moments, I want action that leads to action, I want more heart.

I apologize if this appears more like a review, but I fully intend to review the show when it opens (or when I see it after it opens).

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

Staring Jessica Alba, Chris Evans, Ioan Gruffudd & Michael Chiklis

It is quite possible and very probable that "Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer" is one of those rare sequels that can be claimed "better than the original." However, to say that this is a good claim is another story.

In the second (and hopefully last) installment, the Fantastic Four team, consisting of Mr. Fantastic (Ioan Gruffudd), the Invisible Woman (Jessica Alba), the Thing (Michael Chiklis) and the Human Torch (Chris Evans), must rid the world of cataclysmal havoc brought by the mysterious Silver Surfer. All Susan (Invisible Woman) wants is to marry Fantastic, but of course, it must come second, for love always is second in the life of a super hero. Here's what the Surfer does: he rides his board at warp speed across the globe, sucking the life out of everything and building huge chasms that reach the earth's core. Later, this big giant blob of cloud called Galactus sucks the planet's life and causes it to blow up. Well, it's no match for the F4, that's for sure. Through gruelling twists (that are totally expected) and intense battles (that a very lackluster), the four mates prevail without needing to call on local Spiderman or the X-Men for help. They had better things to do when the world is ready to end.

The plot wasn't the chief issue of cinematic disaster, however. Once again, as in the original "Fantastic Four," acting becomes a sort of needle in your spine, more like a teacher scraping her nails against the chalk board until she reaches the bottom or discovers that her nails snapped off. Alba is bad, but she's beautiful. She's horrible only because the script is an explosion of Cheez Whiz. Then there's Chiklis who is totally badass in "The Shield" but completely off-queue here. He tries to be humorous, but the joke's on him - and he's stuck in that ridiculous "rock" suit. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle costumes of the 80's were way more realistic. Finally, to round up the suckfest of actors, Doctor Doom (Julian McMahon) comes back from the dead - which is an unknown feat to both the Fantastic Four and the audience - and proves that if you look like a Sith Lord, you better freaking talk like one.

There were some good points in this film that bring it slightly above its loser predecessor. Chris Evans, once again, captures and completely enjoys his role as Johnny Storm. Evans is hilarious, egotistical, and a highlight of the film. He's believable 100%. The Silver Surfer, voice by Laurence Fishburne, was a pretty cool asset to the movie, bringing at first an evil-doer and revealing his battle against his lord, Galactus, a.k.a. a giant space cloud.

"Rise of the Silver Surfer" is much better than the first "Fantastic Four," but that's only due to the Surfer and some crazy special effects of the gigantic Galactus cloud in the end.

Grade: D+